Tag: blogger

Is it hard to open up?

“Feelings that come back are feelings that never left.” – Frank Ocean

I am someone who is not very good at expressing myself in front of people. I like to keep things to myself in my head especially if it involves feelings. Recently I thought, is it hard to open up to people about feelings or thoughts. Now every person is different and some have someone they can talk to while others don’t. And even people who have someone don’t know how to open up. I feel like I am in the category of not talking about my feelings at all because my mouth just gives up. I felt that it was me who didn’t want to open up but it’s just that words don’t find me. It takes a lot of courage to open up to someone you know will understand you after you know your inner feelings. You are not just opening up your feelings you are opening up your soul and that is the biggest asset one has so opening up is definitely very hard even with the right person. Opening up needs a lot of courage because first, you need to accept yourself as you are which takes a lot of strength. Because it is hard to see yourself in the eyes of others when you, yourself have not accepted the way you are.

I am a good listener and I feel like I would let the person pour it’s feelings out the way they want and I would never try to change their feelings or would put them in a position where they should not have thought of that at all. Every feeling is relevant and every person should get the time to evolve through them which I think is very important. It is hard to open up especially if you, yourself are in a mind of confusion and can’t figure out how to speak. I feel why it is hard because I don’t know how to explain things, I don’t want to see the aftermath, I don’t want to put my burden on someone else, I don’t want someone to make me feel about how irrelevant I am about feelings. I just want someone to stay outside the door and let me open the door to lightness. I want someone to let me know that every feeling has the right to be expressed. I want someone to extend their hand and wait because I want myself to come out and hold that hand.

“Have patience, heart.”

Till we meet again, Be Happy, Be Grateful, and Keep Smiling – a girl who likes to write.

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Remember when…

Nostalgia

a sentimental or wistful yearning for the happiness felt in a former place, time, or situation

Please allow me to take you back in time with this post. I have been thinking about writing this post for a while and finally got the right chance. I was not somebody who used to get emotional or connected to memories often, however, it all changed after I made a friend almost 10 years ago, we got really close 6 years ago and since then she has been the person who always makes me remember all the good times. As an adult it is nice to say back in our days we used to do this, we used to eat this, and in such a small amount we used to get so much.

Remember when we had to wait an entire day to talk to our friends? Remember when nothing like getting bored was invented? Remember when playing outside was a big pleasure? Remember when walking in your school corridor made you feel like royalty? Remember when homework was hard as Google never existed in a student’s life? Remember when phone games were a thing? Remember when we used to stay in front of the TV turning on the music channel and waiting for our favorite song to play? Remember when we used to record songs by keeping the phone in front of the TV speaker? Remember when the weekend felt like a whole reset? Remember when days do feel like days? Remember when stress and anxiety were never a thing? Remember when we used to wait for our favourite show to come? Remember when we have to memorize the channel number? Remember when having a CD was a premium? Remember when we used to eat sneakily in the classroom? Remember when social media did not even exist? Remember all the good times that we want to relive again. Alas! Those days will never come back but memories will forever be stored in the heart and to relive them just begin with a sentence remember when…

Memories are stitched with love.

Till we meet again, Be Happy, Be Grateful, and Keep Smiling – a girl who likes to write.

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Book Review: The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides was one of the first thrillers I read after getting back into the reading. And I have to say that this book wrecked me with its plot twist and I did not see it coming. The book describes the story of a thirty-three-year-old famous painter, Alicia Berenson, who unalive her husband, Gabriel Berenson, whom she once loved dearly. This happened six years ago and since then Alicia has not uttered a word not even to defend herself in front of the court. Now, a psychotherapist, Theo Faber, wants to figure out the mystery behind Alicia and joins a hospital where she is kept.

I loved this book so much, not only because of the plot twist but also because of the writing of the author. He made sure to give an explanation about the situation of Alicia and Theo which made me more engrossed in the book. I loved the character of Alicia and how in the end she connected all the lines and freed herself. I don’t know what to say about Theo he did not expect the situation to become like this. He wanted to do something better but everything turned out worse.

The biggest lesson that this thriller taught me was you never know what is going on in a person’s mind. You never know what a traumatic past someone has so it is so much better to be mindful of what you say in front of anyone. The situation of Alicia got wild because of her past and it triggered so fast that she unalive her husband. That is why it is said to be mindful because you never know what can trigger a person and its outcome will be worse than one can imagine.

The plot twist, I was legit staring at the wall when I read the page before it was revealed because I was shocked and at the same time sad because it was the situation that made everything turn out like that. I love the plot it was something very different from what I read and the book focuses more on generational trauma and trust.

I highly recommend this book, if you read a lot of thrillers then it might be predictable, however, there is more to this book than just the plot twist.

Rating: 4.7/5 (Please check trigger warnings)

Till we meet again, Be Happy, Be Grateful, and Keep Smiling – a girl who likes to write.

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Feelings Nowadays…

And then suddenly I cared even less.

I was thinking is it good right that we stopped caring, we don’t feel anything, we are in a neutral mood, and we do not fear anything, what happens happens? But at the same time, another thought went through me: why is it bad to be caring, why is it bad to feel anything? Why did we stop caring because we went through something right? Because our voices are never listened to, before we stopped caring, something happened, something we went through that made us feel like this. We are humans and are bound to have feelings; there is nothing wrong with that. It is just up to us how to make ourselves strong and keep our feelings in check but that does not mean we are emotionless. I think the world has misunderstood the concept of keeping our feelings in check and on the other hand thinking it is good to have I don’t care aura. If a person is good at taking feelings that does not mean it will not hurt him/her.

And when things start to get better, you finally start to sort out your feelings that sudden realisation, that what if all those things happened again when you start caring and you see yourself at the same spot what if you are back at the square? And after a while, it feels good when you stop caring because nothing matters right? With less intervention, people just leave you alone and you are emotionless. But what about the inside war you are battling to be honest you also know that you have to do it alone anyway but it hurts more when it actually starts to feel like alone amidst people. And then they ask you why you changed, and what happened as if they are not the reason behind all of this.

And you know what sucks more that nothing can bring you enjoyment like after eating your favourite food, reading your favourite book, or watching your comfort show nothing brings you excitement it’s like you just feel nothing like you used to and now nothing can bring you happiness.

This blog post is very raw. I wrote this in pieces whenever I felt like my feelings needed to be poured out and now when I read this I can see that it’s better to stop caring…

And then one day with no explanation, she just didn’t care anymore.

Till we meet again, Be Happy, Be Grateful, and Keep Smiling – a girl who likes to write.

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